it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
