I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
