i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
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