IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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