i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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