Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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