well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Less talking, more tequila
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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