You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
