I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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