I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
