Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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