When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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