i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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