i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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