Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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