he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
