When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
