two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
