She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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