I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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