shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
