exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
