the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
