im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
