she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
