Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize