you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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