Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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