I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize