Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
