Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
did i just pee glitter
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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