Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
People in love make me want to vomit
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize