i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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