what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
