wrigley field is MILF paradise
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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