but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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