Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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