I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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