if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
