Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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