so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
