Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
