There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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