those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
