i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
