Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
