She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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