I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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