Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you traded sex for a burrito?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
