You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
