Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
