Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Please don't give away my fajitas
we should paint friendship bongs