You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
