Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
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Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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