there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
