I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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