Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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