if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
