I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
