Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
