i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize