hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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