but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize