She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
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The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
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I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm too high and old for this...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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